Wednesday, November 20, 2024
The Purpose of Money
What is the purpose of money?
Some may say money is for security, others for pleasure. Some feel that money is to be saved and used practically, and others have the attitude that money is to be enjoyed.
In the intimate relationship, conflicting beliefs and attitudes toward money are a common cause of stress and conflict. Money is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) causes of arguments in many relationships.
However when a couple can get on the same page around their finances, money can become a powerful tool for co-creating a fulfilling life, and to make a positive impact in the world.
Mastering the Money Blueprint is an essential skill for the conscious couple who wants to continue to actualize their potential and give their gifts to the world.
The Money Blueprint
Each of us has a Money Blueprint, made up of all of the beliefs we have about money.
This blueprint is not something that we consciously decided on, but it is a result of the things that we observed and experienced, mostly in very young childhood, that have become an unconscious imprint.
These unconscious imprints now impact the way we feel about money, the decisions we make, and the attitude with which we approach our finances.
It’s highly unlikely that in a relationship both partners will have the same Money Blueprint. There may be some things that overlap, so you find common ground about some aspects of your finances, but there are likely to be other areas where your different Blueprints cause friction.
In this blog post we’ll look at why this is, how to become aware of your Money Blueprints, and how to shift them in order to feel more empowered and aligned financially as a couple.
The Developing Brain
In the early years of childhood, before around age 7, the conscious mind is still maturing, so the mind lacks a conscious filter during this time.
Data from Harvard University shows the brain develops rapidly during the first years of life.
Before the age of 3, a child’s brain is already forming 1 million neural connections every minute, and these links become the brain’s mapping system.
The young mind observes the world around it, especially its caregivers, and this information forms deeply rooted impressions.
Through a combination of nature and nurture, the mind forms blueprints about personal identity, and concepts like relationships, social behaviour and money.
Logic or Blueprint?
When we realize just how much of our Money Blueprint is unconscious, and that it was formed with almost none of our own reasoning or decisions, then we can start to look at our relationship to money much differently.
Most of the time we think we are making decisions about money logically, but it is challenging to do this entirely if you are unaware of the unconscious Money Blueprint that is largely running the show.
Most of the time, it is our unconscious Money Blueprint that is impacting how we feel about money and the decisions we make.
What do you believe?
The first step to feeling empowered and thriving in your finances is to become aware of your particular Money Blueprint, and to make the unconscious conscious.
As you become aware of your beliefs about money, you can determine which ones are helping and which ones you want to update and replace to be more in alignment with who you are and what you want in life.
Let’s get to work!
Rather than just reading about it, I encourage you to get out a journal now and do this exercise.
Step 1: Write down all of the things you think and believe about money.
There will be the more obvious ones, but don’t stop there.
Think about influences in your life, especially your parents, and what they modelled about money, the good and the bad. Think about how money was talked about in your household, and how money was handled. What emotions were commonly present around money?
There will be some beliefs that your conscious mind will disagree with, but they are nonetheless part of your money blueprint.
Write down everything that comes to mind, even the things that seem silly or insignificant. Do your best not to judge yourself - an attitude of curiosity is most helpful in this process.
Here are some common examples of money beliefs to help you reflect on and get your wheels turning:
➡️ I have to work hard for money
➡️ Money is not important
➡️ Money is the root of all evil
➡️ I need money to feel successful
➡️ Once I have x amount of money I will be secure / happy
➡️ I can’t be spiritual and wealthy
➡️ Money is a source of freedom
➡️ Rich people are greedy
➡️ If I make too much money I will change
➡️ I don’t need money to be happy
➡️ Money equals stress
➡️ Money equals happiness
➡️ I never have enough money
As you read this list, do any of these feel triggering to you? Do any stir some kind of reaction? If so, that’s a good indication that the belief is somewhere in your Money Blueprint.
Step 2: Is it true?
Now that you have a list of some of the beliefs in your Money Blueprint, let’s use Byron Katie’s 4 questions, "The Work" to examine each of these beliefs.
For each of the beliefs, ask the 4 questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
Often, our initial response to the question “is it true?” is yes - because it feels true. However, can you absolutely KNOW that it’s true? There are very few things in life that you can know with 100% certainty.
Are there examples that prove that this belief is not true 100% of the time?
3. How has this belief impacted me?
Look at all the ways this belief has shaped your life. How have you approached finances because of this belief? How has it impacted how you feel about money and how has it shaped your decision making?
4. What would it be like if I didn't believe this?
Now imagine if this belief did not exist. Imagine yourself doing life without this belief. How would it be different? Would you feel different? How would your approach change?
Step 3: The turn around.
The final step of Byron Katie’s The Work is a powerful one: the turnaround.
This is where you state the opposite of the belief, and observe whether it is at least as true or more true than the original belief.
Then, with this shift of perspective, you can choose which belief is most empowering for you.
Example
Let’s go through an example of the whole process.
We’ll work with the belief “I have to work hard for money”.
1. Is it true?
It feels true.
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
No… sometimes I work harder and still struggle financially. I know some people who work harder than me who have less money, and I know some people who don’t work as hard as me who make more money.
3. How has this belief impacted me? / How do I feel when I believe this?
When I believe this I feel like I need to always be working harder. I sometimes get burnt out from overworking. I feel guilty when I am resting because I feel like I should be working. If I am having a financial challenge I tend to make myself busier which blocks my capacity to find a creative solution. I am probably missing more creative ways to earn money that may be more enjoyable because I am so busy working harder. It feels tiring and like an uphill battle.
4. What would it be like if I didn’t believe this?
If I didn’t believe this I might be able to take my foot off of the gas, relax a little bit, and have the mental space and energy to assess the bigger picture. I might be able to think of new creative ways to earn money, or ways that I can change how I am working to make it more enjoyable. I would be able to relax more in general without feeling like there is always something I should be doing. I would spend more time doing things that bring me happiness, and I would be less stressed.
Turn it around:
Some potential turnarounds for “I have to work hard for money”:
I don’t have to work hard for money.
I can make more money with less effort.
I can make money in a more enjoyable way.
Making money can feel easy and good.
I can enjoy my work.
Your turn! Choose some of the beliefs you identified and run them through this process.
It’s a continuous process
Of course, doing this process one time won’t solve all of your money problems forever.
We can take this belief restructuring to a deeper level through working with the deeper nervous system to create more permanent and embodied change, which we teach you how to do in the upcoming Abundant Couples Weekend program.
This is a continuous process, and there are always more beliefs to uncover and more nuance to discover. As you grow you will notice that some beliefs that served you before will need to be examined as you expand into your next level of financial expression.
Also, there are no “right” or “wrong” beliefs!
YOU get to decide what you want your Money Blueprint to be like. When you bring your Blueprint into your conscious awareness, you get to decide what beliefs would be most empowering for you and your life.
What beliefs will help you achieve your goals, and make the impact that you want to make?
What beliefs will help you give your gifts to the world, to be of service to the world, to live the kind of life that feels meaningful and fulfilling to you?
In your relationship
This is a super powerful process to do with your partner.
When you both become aware of your Money Blueprints, then when you have discussions about money you will have the ability to not take things personally, but rather to recognize both of your Money Blueprints at play.
When friction around money arises, it becomes an opportunity for you to both get curious about what parts of your Money Blueprint are working and what parts aren’t, and you can use this process to examine the beliefs, unravel them, and replace them with more empowering beliefs.
That's how you turn challenges into growth on the Path of Relationship!
I would LOVE to hear from you if you do the above practices! What did you learn? What was the process like for you? Did you and your partner both do the process? What did you discover about each other?
Send me a direct message @abundantcouples on instagram or email me at hello@abundantcouples.com
With Love,
Cassidy
Love + Pleasure Coach
I help you find deep pleasure in your life, body, business and relationship so you can live a thriving life aligned with your purpose.