7 Tips for Co-Creating Your Future as a Couple

Wednesday, November 20, 2024

Blog/7 Tips for Co-Creating Your Future as a Couple

Having a Conscious Relationship presents a unique opportunity to co-create your life.

To share your strengths and create more together than you could on your own.

Having been in business with my partner Matt for nearly 10 years, and being enthusiastic manifestors, together we’ve experienced the highs and lows of co-creation.

From going off to university together, to dropping out of university together, running a residential painting business, building a real estate investment company, traveling the world as nomads, creating Abundant Couples, and all of the other business attempts and fun adventures in between, we’ve had plenty of opportunities to discover what works and what doesn’t when it comes to co-creating our lives.

There have been times when we’ve felt burnt-out or overwhelmed. Other times we’ve felt confused about our direction, unsure of what to do next or what we’re even trying to accomplish.

​We’ve struggled with holding ourselves and each other accountable without having any boss or external deadlines to rely on.

But even more so, we’ve experienced the power that comes when two people are fully aligned, using their unique strengths, and working together toward a common goal.

This is already a powerful thing, and when you add the magic ingredient of love to the mix, it becomes super-powered.

Through the highs and lows we’ve kept a growth mindset and continued to improve the way we work together and the way we approach creating a life that we love, enjoying the process along the way.

Some people warn not to get into business with your boyfriend / girlfriend / spouse - but if you have a strong foundation of love and trust, and an aligned vision for your life, then you may make a formidable duo.

The tips below are useful whether or not you are in business together. Even if you have separate professional lives, these tips will help you work together to create a life you love.

Here are my 7 tips for co-creating your life as a couple:

♦ Make it a continual process

Creating and maintaining a vision for your life that gets you fired up is a continual process.

It’s important to recognize that you will never get “there” - as Tal Ben-Shahar says, our ideals are more like guiding stars than distant shores.

As we move in the direction of our goals and dreams, we become new people, with new contexts and new perspectives. Naturally, our goals and dreams change and evolve, and so it is a never-ending process of creation.

The most important thing is to enjoy the process of creating together, since it will be a lifelong joint project.

So, the process of creating an aligned and inspiring vision for your future isn’t something that you do once. It’s not something you do once a year, either.

For us, It’s not even quite a weekly or daily thing, as much as a continually evolving, fluid process - a way of being.


♦ Recognize that you are a shared resource

Remember that you are a team.

Like any team, there are times when one of you will be on the bench while the other is on the field, or one of you is out with an injury.

There will be times when one of you is sprinting and the other is playing defense. And yet other times when you are charging forward alongside each other.

This is so important to remember, because the opposite of this mindset is a dangerous one. Feeling like you are “keeping score” and trying to share the load equally can lead to resentment.

As Dr. Abby Medcalf explained in our podcast interview, you may think you want your partner to “take something off your plate”, or feel burdened when they put something on your plate. But, she says, in reality, your relationship is one big plate. All you’re really doing is moving around the mashed potatoes.

Thinking of your relationship as a shared resource helps to keep you on the same team, adjusting as necessary to do what is best for the relationship as a whole.


♦ Work to your strengths

To add to the team metaphor, different team members have different strengths and different roles. One might be an excellent sprinter while the other is a pro handling the ball.

In your relationship, knowing your strengths and focusing on them will not only make you more effective as a unit, but it will also be more enjoyable.

Rather than trying to divide responsibilities in a way that is “fair’, focus on the ones that each of you is best at and enjoys most. This may also lead you to recognizing some things that are worth eliminating all together, or finding other solutions for.


♦ Focus on how you want to feel

Co-creating a life you love starts with feeling.

While it’s important to have clarity on what specific goals or targets you are working towards, it is even more crucial to know how you want to feel.

For this, I recommend asking the questions, “how do we want to feel on a daily basis?” and “what feelings do we want to experience more of?”.

You can also think about the tangible goals you have, and ask yourself why you want to accomplish those things. How do you expect they will make you feel?

Once you are clear on how you want to feel, you can start bringing in more of that feeling today.

Rather than waiting for the extrinsic goal to come to fruition in order to experience the positive feelings you expect to have as a result, you can start feeling those things today.

This makes the process of creating so much more joyful and rewarding.

This is how you make sure you are not delaying your happiness, but truly enjoying the journey.


♦ Have weekly check- ins

We have a ritual that we call Goal Breaking Brunch.

Once a week we go to brunch and we have fun reviewing our goals together.

These are goals for every area of life. We talk about business, health, our relationship, travel, and anything else that needs attention.

Our process looks something like this:

➡️ What went well this week?
➡️ Review the goals we set from last week
➡️ Set goals for this week
➡️ Creative brainstorming around our next moves
➡️ Dreaming up what’s next
➡️ Making requests for support and/or suggestions for improvement.

We love doing this at brunch because the change of environment makes a nice setting for creative thinking. Sometimes we’ll do this over a walk in the woods or at the beach. Wherever you will be feeling content and relaxed!


♦ Have structure and flexibility

Create routines and habits that support you in moving toward your goals (read the blog post on creating habits here).

Think about your most important habits that support you being at your best in terms of your work, your relationship, and your health and energy.

Discuss these habits together and encourage each other to keep them. Develop routines together that will help you both keep your habits and keep you feeling great.

Remember to balance these habits and routines with some flexibility to maintain the virtuous mean between structure and spontaneity. Give yourself blank space to be spontaneous, to explore, and to play.

This spontaneous time is key for being creative and open to possibilities when they arise. It will help you notice coincidences and have creative insights


♦ Amplify your creative power with love and pleasure

Cultivating love and a continual “sizzle” in the relationship helps you to stay aligned as a couple and work well together.

It also helps you keep your vibes high, and in this higher energy state you will feel more hopeful and capable of doing what you need to do to achieve your goals.

Personally, we notice a distinct contrast in our state and how in sync we are depending on whether we have been keeping up our daily intimacy or not.

Often a break in our sacred sexuality practice will lead to us feeling more like we are trying to force the things we want to happen in our lives, and feeling less inspired and less in the flow of allowing life to unfold in beautiful ways.

​If you want to stay in that sweet spot of creative flow with life, then I suggest finding a rhythm together for your intimacy that helps you stay continuously in tune with one another and in flow with life.

Each one of these tips could be a whole blog post on its own (or realistically a whole weekend course).

So, I suggest choosing 1 thing from this list that you feel would be most helpful in your relationship for co-creating your life, and think about one way you can start to implement it today!

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Hey, I'm Cassidy!

Love + Pleasure Coach

I help you find deep pleasure in your life, body, business and relationship so you can live a thriving life aligned with your purpose.